Funny jokes for you.....my lovalble readers

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load
Of seniors down a highway
When he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts,

Which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder

Again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again

He asks the little old lady,

"why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.

The puzzled driver asks,

"Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied,

"We just love the chocolate around them."

Annoying Boy on Bus

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''

Sardars MBA preparation..LOGIC

Santa singh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, one of his non-sardar friends came home.

Friend: Santa singhji How is your MBA preparation?
Santa Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.

Friend: Logic is very easy.
Santa singh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.

Friend: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Santa: YES.

Friend: Logically, there will be water in it.
Santa: YES.

Friend: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Santa: YES.

Friend: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.

Friend: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.

Friend: so, logically, you are married.
Santa: YES.

Friend: So, that means you are a heterosexual.

Santa singh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Banta singh and he was also preparing for MBA.

Santa: How is your MBA preparation?
Banta: Everything is fine except for the logic.

Santa: Oh, logic is easy.
Banta: Pleaseeee, give me an example.

Santa: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Banta: NO, I don't.
Santa: saala!!! HOMO!!!

Approximately ten excuses for not doing homework:

• I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.

• I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it.

• I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.

• I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.

• I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.

• I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.

• I couldn't figure out whether I am the square of negative one or I am the square root of negative one.

• I took time out to snack on a doughnut and a cup of coffee, and then I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.

• I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.

Excuse to smoke

Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the boy was
always after the girl to quit smoking. One afternoon, she lit up
after some love making, and he said, "You really ought to quit."

She, getting tired of his nagging, said, "I really enjoy a good
cigarette after sex."

He replied, "But they stunt your growth." She asked if he ever
smoked, and he replied that he had never.

Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said, "So, what's
your excuse then?"

True Love

Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor, an attorney
and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For
her birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring.
This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me
because she got a diamond ring."

As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, "For my wife's
birthday, I'm going to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet.
This way, if she doesn't like the dress she will still love me because
she got the gold bracelet."

As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said, "I'm going to
buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way, if she doesn't like
the T-shirt she can go fuck herself!"

A bored woman says to her husband

A bored woman says to her husband as she clasps her hands together,
"Guess what I have in here and you'll get some loving tonight."

The equally bored husband, wishing to avoid any kind of sex at all
replies, "An elephant".

The wife sez "That's close enough!"

Five Fingers

A beautiful young woman marries this seventy year old bloke for his money.
On their wedding night she joyfully jumps into bed and he holds up five
fingers.

"Oh darling!" she squeals with delight, Does that mean five times?"
"No", says the old fellow, "it means that you can pick one out."

Poof! jokes

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

"And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."

*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.

"Your third wish?" asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. "Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.

*** POOF ***

There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered."